As the ball dropped, Michael made a joke about being able to see clearly now. Maybe it was because I had a drink or two, or because I was basically sleeping standing up at this point in the night, but it took me a while to understand that he said that because it is now 2020 (he’s a funny guy). Anyway, happy new year; let me tell you about the things I have been thinking about for the past five days now…
I think resolutions are bullshit. I don’t like them, I don’t like the thought, the word itself stresses me out. Resolution implies that I am not good enough, that I can do better, improve things or try harder. To set a resolution is to tell myself that who I have been up until this year was not good, that I need to change; also, good luck keeping any resolution much longer than January.
To me, resolutions are unnecessary expectations and pressures that we put on ourselves because maybe there is something we’re unhappy with, but also, maybe there are things that we are told to be unhappy with. Maybe?
Going into a new year feels like a chance to learn to build upon what already exists, what is already being done well. It is a time to recognize, that while yes, you may have a desire to feel better and an overall want to perceive things as “better”, it is important to set realistic, achievable goals. For this reason, I prefer the word intention. The definition of intention is “an aim or a plan,” which is much more palatable than “a firm decision to do or not to do something.”
So, for 2020 I will set intentions to be kind, to be full of love and to focus on my own goals and loving the life I am continuing to create for myself. This last year was stressful for me in many ways and I have been finding myself comparing that stress to others, which is not fair to me. This comparison process minimizes my own experiences and invalidates my day to day. So, I did not post a collage of my top 9 photos of the year, and I did not do a personal timeline of my last decade so as not to feel any way regardless of my own perceived successes or failures. My transition into this new time has been filled with brief moments of soul searching, goal setting and taking time to identify what it is my body needs and my mind wants.
While I did my yoga teacher training I learned to love back bends, heart openers and a general feeling of openness (if you own a cat you know this can be a very vulnerable place to be for animals and humans) . Recently, I have noticed myself literally and emotionally closing off to all of those poses and what they mean in my life on and off of my mat. Whether due to physical or emotional discomfort I have been cheating myself out of Camel Pose, Bridge Pose and even a restful Savasana more often than not. Moving through this year, I intend to open up again, to find my voice and find my heart in a way that is authentic to me; in a way that makes me feel whole.
In this next decade I hope you for you all that you need, all that you want (within reason, maybe there is a lesson in not getting everything you want) and all that is comforting. And, if you take any of my yoga classes I hope you are ready to open up and restore, with intention of course.
These Are The Things I Have To Think About 