In the past year, for many many reasons, I have noticed my anxiety slowly increase. It has continued to climb pretty steadily for, at a minimum, 12 months now and it has felt increasingly overwhelming and unmanageable; even attempting meds made it worse because I am prone to every single debilitating side effect.
This quarantine certainly is not helping my life on the edge of agoraphobia.
However, this quarantine has brought me back to the present moment, and I feel I truly have my new pup to thank for that. Maybe I am being overly emotional. Maybe.
When I needed it the most, that was when I met Binx. And now, without knowing it, I needed Riker.
Yesterday, a friend stopped over to meet him (within the confines of social distancing of course). We said, multiple times, “I wish I was as excited or as happy as he is about literally anything.” Seriously though, this dog is 100% entirely present in every single moment he is experiencing. Due to this, I have inadvertently been forced into more presence, more often. If he barks, forget the episode of New Girl I have been trying to watch for 17th time. Or never mind drinking any coffee while it’s still hot. When this little buddy needs me, he needs me now and I spend those moments focusing all of my attention on him. In a way, I meditate on my dog. (well…now I sound like an obsessive creep.)
But, this pooch has also reminded me what it means to fully feel feelings. I asked Michael the other day what has been surprising to him about owning a dog and his response was something along the lines of how emotive he is; but also how many emotions he evokes in us. More so than not, I have been extra skilled in ignoring any emotions that arise within myself, but when Riker is involved I feel angry and frustrated and defeated. Also, I feel love and hope and happiness beyond measure. He really has brought with him so many lessons, and reminders of what it is to identify, to feel and to express emotions. Which has been for me, the most important part of managing this lock down/quarantine/pandemic, whatever it is called.
So, in learning from my puppy, I can still get excited when I see people walking down the street, I can still stop and smell the flowers (though not every one needs to be sniffed), and I can still own my sadness while finding any joy in small things that bring out the tail wagging energy I need to get through each day.
These Are The Things I Have To Think About 