I Have Been Thinking. A Lot.

I haven’t posted much about, or even been vocal about how I feel regarding the world we live in. And in truth it’s because the majority of the thoughts I have are negative. They are hate filled and ridden with anger. Sadness, disappointment and fear line my consciousness every single day and I feel so out of control.

I don’t post, I don’t write about, and I don’t share unless asked because I am fearful I have not processed enough to remain eloquent and respectful. Every person I know has different ideas and different views so I am being careful to align myself with those I rationally can commiserate with, and have healthy conversations with.

Thankfully, Michael and I are in agreement in 99.9% of everything we face, as a couple and as humans.

And that is all we are, at the end of the day; fallible, faulty, broken. And those traits continue to be exposed. our pure humanness seeps through the cracks.

So in an appropriate expression of our combined anger Michael and I finally had a good talk about how we feel and about how to proceed.

We are working diligently through this fear to continue to plan our future and learn and grow towards betterment of society, of ourselves as Americans. As we discuss our family’s changing goals and needs we are mindful, and oftentimes hopeful.

We know what has shaped us to be better, to do better, to know better. We hope to help shape the future generations to be even better than us. We fear for generations to come but we expect to raise a hopeful, fighting part of that generation that is ahead of us. We hope to create individuals that will be even better than us. To create little humans one day that grow into powerful adults that work tirelessly to make the next generation stronger than this.

I only share my family plans and hopes with those in my immediate circle because I truly believe it is so incredibly personal to each person, and each couple has their own narrative to be kept so close to their hearts. But in all the life changes I experience and my observation of dear friends’ changing stories, I am beginning to really hone in on the ideals I hope to instill in the world to come.

So, while I remain quiet during this upheaval of society, I know that I am working, I am growing and I continue to shift. I know that Michael and I are talking, we’re learning and we continue to plan.